A memoir of faith, sexuality and daring to stay

Yehudis Fletcher was six years old when she decided to find out if there was actually a G-d.

One Sabbath evening, she dared to defy a fundamental rule. She didn’t wash her hands before breaking bread. At the table, Yehudis braced herself for a terrible, biblical punishment: being swallowed by the ground or consumed by fire. But nothing happened.

It was at this moment that she discovered a spark within that would grow to make her invincible.

As the daughter of a rabbi raised in an Orthodox Jewish community, Yehudis struggled to conform to the strict expectations placed upon her and her siblings. Outspoken, curious and desperate to know more about G-d, she felt fenced in by arbitrary rules and questions left unanswered.

As she grew older, these restrictions intensified and her questions for G-d hung heavier than ever. Repeatedly let down by those who were supposed to protect her and pushed on to a path that seemed to take her further away from who she really was, she began to yearn for a life where she could embrace all facets of herself.

When Yehudis’s sexuality came to blows with the expectations of her family and her community, the pressure to inhabit a binary position reached fever pitch. Confronted with either losing the faith she loved or losing herself, Yehudis made the most daring decision of all: she decided to stay.

Wry and exhilarating, Chutzpah is a fearless exploration of what is possible when one person simply refuses to choose between abandoning their roots and abandoning themselves.